Michael Hanson

An illustrated story. 10”x8” acrylic, on 300 lb watercolor paper

Notes: From the Museum of Home Video’s Webpage: https://www.museumofhomevideo.com/who-are-we

International Voice of Reason: Producer

IVOR is a video editor/motion designer by trade and has been making weirdo radio on KXLU since 2000. He joined the Museum to curate and host MUSICVIDEODROME, the drunken store-brand MTV style show—but he won't shut up about design ideas and stupid promos, so we made him a producer.
He has a fondness for exasperated groans, bad cats & tangled yarn.

IVOR’s Lunch 

Pg. 1: UGH!! Oh….Argh!!! What happened last night?! Bad Cat do you know? No, you’re never a help, you freeloading poop machine you. UGH!! I’m soo hung over. Woo. Shit. It’s goddamn noon?! “Ok. Bad Cat, hold the fort down. Don’t trash anything k? I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” 

Pg. 2: “What did you do Bad Cat?!! Argh! Goddamn! If you weren’t so delightfully goddamn cute…I gotta clean up your shit now.” I’m late already. “Bad Cat, call Bret tell him I’ll be there in a few. Stop staring and call you bastard. UGH! You never help. Why can’t you be like Good Cat? You know why? You’re evil..Ugh…you b-bad cat you. Fucker. I’m gonna leave this window slightly ajar, if you want to escape when I’m gone, I promise I won’t look for you. Eat shit and hold down the fort Bad Cat.”

Pg. 3: Why is everyone moving around so fast? What day is it? Fuckin LA…ARGH!!!! OOOH—that’s a nice scarf! I can’t stop now to find out where she got that. There’s the restaurant. I’m so hungry—and there he is goddamn Bret, looking cool. I love goddamn Bret. Bret always says hi to me like saying hi is the fuckin’ hardest thing he’s ever had to do. I’ve been his friend for 20 years ugh!! I’m in such a mood. I need a goddamn drink to cool off this hangover. Maybe some nachos. I want some chili but Bret wants Mexican. Why can’t Mexican food include chili always? Argh!….Uggghhhh!! How hard is it? 

Pg. 4: Bret asked what happened to me last night. I don’t know. Do you? I host MusicVideodrome on Bret’s Twitch channel MuseumofHomeVideo. It was groovy-horny!! I was under a few cocktails, under a wig, under a cowboy hat—I lathered myself in a gallon of milk, in my undies, while standing in a plastic kiddie pool in my apartment. My homage to MOHV’s Deathblade premier earlier that week. The fans went nuts...fuckin’ nuts. Goddamn weirdos. Somewhere after that I must’ve blacked out. Woooo!!! What a night.

I love Bret. At some point he tells me about how actor Ben Kingsley smelled delightful in person. Bret has hundreds of these stories. Bret was an ‘I kinda can’t stand you’ video clerk at the legendary LA video store Cinefile on Santa Monica Blvd. “James Spader was a regular for some months. He once bought a hacked all-region DVD player from us...but returned it because it wasn't black. The rest of his A/V set-up was all black. He bought a copy of the Pink Panther movie box set...and returned it because, in his words, it's not funny.” HAHAHA UGH…Oh how perfectly delightful. Eat shit hangover of the past and future—EAT SHIT!

*The quote is from MuseumofHomeVideo Discord message board. Bret B. attr. 06/11/2021

Pg. 5: AHHH! I feel great!. I’M IVOR dammit. The International Voice of Reason! I have great taste. I’m a star! UGH!!! I hope Bad Cat didn’t run away. When I got home Good Cat was eyeing the window, an indoor considering the possibilities of becoming an outdoor cat. I shut the window as fast as I could. Bad Cat was covered in shreds of paper, on a nest of ripped up mail. Bad Cat didn’t even acknowledge me. I picked up and hugged Bad Cat, “You demon, you ripped up all my bills. UGGHHH! I love you Bad Cat.” Bad Cat squinted at me. I squeezed Bad Cat for an extra moment for being a badass. Then I let go before I got my face scratched off my skull. I’m fuckin’ IVOR.